Welcome to August 2021, everybody! This is the month that I turn 40. I remember a time when 40 seemed to be so far away. 40-year-olds seemed so experienced and wise.

If you are reading this on the day that it drops, I'm exactly three weeks from the milestone and I am pretty confident that I am still a moron. Like, I remember when my mom turned 40. She was so upset about being old and flipped out when I made an "over the hill joke."

Over The Hill Grim Reaper "I Am Here for the Cake" Foil Balloon - ZoomParty.com
This is the actual balloon I gave my mom on her 40th birthday and it made her cry. To this day, I maintain that this balloon is hilarious.

As I sit here, with the Big 4-0 very much in the crosshairs, I couldn't feel more different. Maybe that is the privilege of being a man in a society where women are given unspoken expiration dates, but right now, August 23, 2021 feels like it will just be another day to me.

Still, it is hard to deny that I am indeed getting older. Are there more yesterdays for me than tomorrow? I mean, probably if you assholes don't stop being selfish shitheads and just go get vaccinated. But also, maybe not. All I know is I have found myself more interested in Shark Week in recent years and my arm hurts for two days after I throw any ball any distance.

Recently, I was talking to a colleague that is as close to 30 as I am to 40. He said to me, without a hint of irony in his voice, that as he was getting older, he found that he started to agree with more traditional sports talking points. I asked him to give me an example and he told me that college athletes getting thousands of dollars for name, image, and likeness deals was making college football less fun for him.

I told the guy that he was an idiot. That opinion is not traditional. It is just stupid and wrong.

In that moment I made a decision. Here are seven "traditional" sports talking points that I hope I never agree with. If any of you ever hear me start to say "you know, that is a good point" when any of the following opinions are expressed, you may take me to Antarctica, find an iceberg, and set me adrift to never be heard from again.

The offer was made on a blog, so it is legally binding.

PLAYERS THAT HOLD OUT FOR A NEW CONTRACT ARE GREEDY

The guy putting his body on the line so others can have success is always the one to side with. Also, if it isn't your money, don't be a bootlicker. The one in power is always wrong.

THE NAME ON THE FRONT OF THE JERSEY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE ONE ON THE BACK

Man, wouldn't it be cool if the world were Little League? Do you think that anyone ever said to themselves "man, I really want to spend my 20s in Indianapolis"? Is there anyone on Earth that has ever longed to spend the coldest, most miserable months of the year in New England? No! The name Manning was more important than the name Colts and the names Brady and Belichick are more important than the name Patriots. Welcome to the real world, where people make decisions based on what or who best helps them accomplish their goals.

A FREE COLLEGE TUITION IS MORE THAN ENOUGH PAYMENT FOR PLAYING FOOTBALL OR BASKETBALL

This is a very old argument with very old evidence to prove that it is wrong. Every time a new billion dollar television contract is signed, remind yourself of how many people you know that got their careers started because of a family connection or that have a degree that has nothing to do with their current occupation. I loved my time in college. I will always advocate for college, but there is no college education that could ever make me think people like Joe Burrow or Justin Fields got compensated fairly when people who never took a single hit make fortunes off of SEC and Big Ten television contracts.

TEAM USA BASKETBALL SHOULD CARE MORE ABOUT THE OLYMPICS

Do I want the USA to do well? Of course I do. Would a gold medal make me happier than a Celtics title? No. If Jayson Tatum insists on being a part of Team USA, then I insist he half ass it.

THERE'S NO ROOM FOR POLITICS IN SPORTS

Look, I am not saying I want a lecture about the shortcomings of capitalism every time I turn on a football game, but the idea that these worlds were mutually exclusive until Colin Kaepernick came along could not be further from the truth. Also, politicians will not shut the hell up about sports. What is the most iconic crossover of sports and politics in the United States? It's the championship White House invitation, right? You know why that started? Because Andrew Johnson, who was WILDLY unpopular in 1865, wanted to show the country that he was just a regular guy that liked baseball. Politics is inherently toxic, and so the people that exist in that world want to tie themselves to literally anything else.

THE PLAYERS OF YESTERYEAR WERE BETTER AND TOUGHER THAN PLAYERS TODAY

Why are you so invested in the best of sports being behind us? It would be awesome if Trevor Lawrence turns out to be the best quarterback in history. We would be so lucky to see Cade Cunningham or Anthony Edwards put up scoring numbers and championship wins to rival Jordan and Kareem. Rooting for the future is rooting for yourself.

BASEBALL HAS UNWRITTEN RULES AND IF YOU RESPECT THE GAME, YOU FOLLOW THEM

F*** you.